Magic!

What would you like to know about magic? Or Magic: The Gathering? Or David Blaine?

On this edition of "Magic: Illusions, David Blaine, or the Gathering," we will talk about illusions (and how they are not tricks).



It had long been believed that magic was witchcraft. It's no longer considered witchcraft but, instead, an entertaining case of deception... and also witchcraft. I've done a lot of research on the subject in my youth, hundreds of years ago, and I came to one conclusion: Magic, no matter how you spell it, is a serious affair. So serious, in fact, that I did not call attention to the pun I just made. That's right, not only am I 641 years-old but I make (bad) puns.

It is in my experience that magicians and illusionists and Aleister Crowley find(s) that their(his) work to be very, very important. Although I've done my best to go along with their little mythical world, it always ends in the same way, that is with me backed into a corner and them threatening to show me that magic is real. Now, they've never actually showed me that magic is real because I am a wimp and I always take back what I say in fear of actually being disappeared but I don't think that provides any real evidence of magic. I threaten people all time with a sock full of doorknobs but that doesn't mean I actually have a sock full of doorknobs. I mean, where would I get all those doorknobs?

I'm not sure if you've noticed but some people with time on their hands have developed web illusions. As you can see by that website's use of clip art and gifs, this kind of magic isn't witchcraft and it's hardly considered an illusion. You see, just like doctors, lawyers and priests, the internet has made everyone believe that they too could also be magicians. What's next, jugglers? True magicians and illusionists find this kind of magic malpractice to be the plague that will be an end to the industry. Why would someone pay good money to see disappearing assistants when they could obviously stay at home and watch as the card that they pick, the queen of clubs*, disappear from the line up of cards on their screen at home? I mean, at least 50% of magic tri-- illusions are the same illusion with just varying degrees of scale. Chris Angel is no different than Simeon Magic but at least Simeon Magic has a more suitable magician's name.

Now I'm sure you're saying to yourself, "why have I read all of this nonsense," and the answer is simple, because you're a fan of magic. I'm a fan of magic. Just about everyone is a fan of magic... that is unless they are of the furry population**. I've never claimed to understand why we're all so enchanted*** by magic but it's true. Whether we're trying to figure out how they did it or we actually think that they're doing something magical. It's like what I told this illusionist back in 1542 who was trying to convince me he was a real wizard. I said, "if you were a real wizard, why would you be begging for change and where is your hat?" Then I traveled to Japan and helped in the birth of Hattori Hanzo--but that's another story for another time. My point is... you know, I don't know what was the point of this paragraph... oh! Magic is widely accessible to everyone but it's not for everyone to do.


Now before I go, I'd like to leave you with this recipe for Ziplock Bag Omelets I found on the blog Outdoor Cooking Magic:

First of all, get a large pot of water boiling on the stove. Make sure that you have one quart size freezer zip-lock bag for each person. Don’t use the thin kind, make sure you use the thicker freezer variety.

Start with a couple of eggs for each person. Crack the eggs into the zip lock bag. Seal it (squeezing out the air), and then squish the bag and squeeze it and shake it to get the egg mixed up. Then add whatever other omelet ingredients you like:

• green onions
• onions
• ham
• green peppers
• cheese
• red peppers
• mushrooms
• bean sprouts
• salt and pepper
• whatever else you might like

Now get the air out, zip the bag shut tight and shake and squeeze the mixture again.

Place the zip-lock omelet bag in the pot boiling water and boil for about 12-14 minutes. When done, remove from the water, open the bag and the omelet will roll right out onto your plate.

*How did I know, right?
**For more on this subject come back in two weeks for my special article, "Furries, Why?"
***I'm not acknowledging this pun.